The truth about single parentingSleep
The truth about single parentingSleep
Toddlers are pretty good at sleeping, relatively speaking. Compared to the full grown adult, the typical toddler will sleep at least 12 hours every night, and depending on the child - will also prefer to nap during the day. This sounds like a fever dream, and it is.
The problem tends to be, is a lack of honest discussion about this outside of forum posts from parents, typically in households where two parents will take turns watching children when certain people are "expected to work."
And as a single parent, you're going to be working. It does not matter how well your child slept the night before, you don't get to make the "hubby" do it because you need to start your next shift in X hours.
I'd also argue that making the other person do it the 100% speedrun method of ruining a relationship you actually care about. You shouldn't ever delegate childcare based on who "should be sleeping," or make the argument that anyone's sleep is more important that someone elses. That's a load of crud.
When do you get to sleep?
This is a hard topic. Every single parent will have several different takes on this, which will vary by child, lifestyle, income-level, and even location. That being said, I've been single parenting for almost two years now, which has given me time to form a complete opinion on this.
Let me also make the assertion that, ultimately, while circumstances may prevent a single parent from sleeping, you're also not completely at the mercy of the children. If you really need to sleep, nothing is stopping you from putting the kids in their cribs or beds while you have a power rest. That comes with the downside of the kids not being a huge fan, but there's good news.
Typically, you'll be tired at the same time your children are tired. Your body might not be 100% percent attuned to this in the moment, but if your children have been doing activities that have brought them to the state that they simply can't go on for much longer without rest, you're very likely to feel the same. I've found that within 30 minutes to an hour of putting both of my little ones to bed, I'm immediately feeling the weight of all of the different things I've had to do for them and myself.
When your children are resting, that's when you should be getting the bulk of your resting done. If your work, life, or other responsibilities around in your life are actively preventing that from happening, you'll need to compromise and still find time to rest, which probably means being assertive and not doing things that will actively prevent you from sleeping.
If that's not possible, which, let's be honest, is probably the case - you'll need to invest dedicated time that you can rest during a day. This might mean napping when they nap, or enforcing a nap time where they sit quietly in their crib. They won't always sleep when you sleep, but you should be striving to sleep when they sleep so your mental sanity meter does not completely deplete, impeding your abilities as a parent and functioning adult.
Your child does not need to rescued*
This is slightly controversial, but given some of the other parenting insight you can get on the internet - it's fairly timid. It's 100% guaranteed at some point, you're children will be waking up in the middle of the night for various reasons. Maybe they're thirsty, maybe they had a bowel movement, maybe they had a bad dream, or maybe they're just bored and want someone to come save them from their boredom.
If you're around your children enough, you'll understand the different levels of crying. Some parents might disagree and say that cries aren't a good indication of something that needs attention, but I'd like to bounce back and say that the parents making these same arguments are also likely doing every single thing that their kids want, the moment they want them - which isn't good either.
* Not all children are the same
I'm just a person with children, and it's fairly simple to understand that not all children are created equal. Some children might have needs that outweigh the needs of others, including their parents. In many of those cases, it makes sense to decide on a per-child basis what kind of late night interventions are required to ensure that sleep can still happen.
But let's be real. Sleep is not guaranteed, ever. Choosing children means choosing a life where sleep is key, but losing it isn't something to lose even more sleep over.