The truth about single parentingAttention
The truth about single parentingAttention
When I became a single parent, things rapidly changed for me. While for a while I was used to having to choose when to compromise between sleep, work, and childcare; when childcare feel mostly on to me, I was confronted with the realization that time wasn't the kind of resource I figured it was.
What is time anyways?
Time is relative. It's both a currency, in the sense it can be exchanged, but also more like a contract, where it only exists when it can - no more and no less. Time isn't something we can always negotiate with; and when it comes to parenting, it really shows.
There's been many moments where offers of quality time, and immediate opportunities for personal growth were met with compromise. I didn't have enough time to balance, or existing commitments meant I needed to trade that time for something else. But when it comes to parenting, the other currency, which functions nearly the same, "attention," also needs to be considered.
Attention, a perpetual currency
I'm no economist, I don't have the time for that. But I do have the time to understand what my children need, which for the most part, comes in the form of being attentive to them. Being there to listen, being there to hold their hand when things aren't okay, or when they need help crossing a busy road with their father. Being attentive means I can, impromptu, stop whatever menial things I'm doing, and make sure that they know I'm there for them.
When it comes to balancing work with this however, things like daycare do come in handy. Before I had daycare as a tool, compromising personal time, attentive childcare time, and making sure my work got done with a nightmare. Doable, but still a nightmare nonetheless.
But unlike work, which is renewable and can waver in quality; the attentive care that I could be offering my children is not. That level of care is bot something I can simply trade. Sometimes, it can feel like we can compromise with that, but I assure you, they always come first.
Attention is perpetual. Unlike time, which sometimes like an act of balances; attention can only be given once. It's like a pool of commitments that leads to a better life for your kids. The time that could be exchanged for attention immediately pays dividends.
Toddlers, and knowing when to opt out
I had help realizing this (intervention if you will), but young children typically don't need constant attention. Infants always need the attentive care of a parent, but once that threshold of autonomy starts breaking; toddlers typically will opt to ask for attentive cares during their normal cycle of care. There will always be instances where the care for a toddler will need to be asserted (like bedtime routines, when they get an ouchie, or exchanges where the parent is expected to step in or step up). But for the most part, toddlers, in their normal cycle of play, when there is no crisis or issue at hand, and will come to the parent when they know they need attention. It could be seeking acknowledgement, or simply needing guidance in their play - but those moments can't ever happen unless sufficient time is allocated, to enable to organic moments.
You can't buy time, but you can always afford being attentive. And when done right; the attention you give will probably pay back later, giving you higher quality time with the people that matter most.